Remember the hoopla when one of the parents was caught on film slapping the behind of one of the little ones? Is spanking illegal? No. Is it attractive? No, and although it is not how most of us treat our children, in this case it probably doesn't legally qualify as abuse. Is it in line with the pristine picture painted on TV? Absolutely not, and imagine being the little ones and having to smile smile smile for the cameras:
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Kate spanked the kids all the time for little things. When they didn’t listen to her the first time, she snapped out and tanned their behinds. Jon would tell her to stop, but that would lead to them fighting in front of the kids, and Jon didn’t want that so he let her go. The source said Kate would get angry when the kids wouldn’t pick up their toys, and she never gave them a second chance. She once kicked a Lego building the boys made into a thousand pieces because they didn’t put it away the first time she ordered them. Then Kate made the tots clean up the mess she made, all the time yelling at them to put their damned toys away.
The kids were afraid of mommy. All she had to do was look at them with that expression, and they grew petrified because they knew what she’d do to them -- completely different from the loving parent you saw on TLC. Kate always screamed at them and that’s one of the reasons Jon said they split up. Jon painted himself as the fun parent and Kate as the meanie. Jon let the kids make a mess while Kate demanded everything stay neat and tidy. She would get mad at them just for taking out their toys to play.
All this was very self-serving, of course, and we wondered just how calculated this report was. But then one of Kate’s former neighbors from Wyomissing said Kate always did holler at the kids, even when they were infants. She would run the house like a military base, expecting the kids to jump whenever she barked orders. “I saw Kate spank the kids many times,” the neighbor said. “She believed in old-school discipline. If she said something and they didn’t listen, they’d get spanked. It got to the point that the kids would cower when she yelled at them because they didn’t know if they were going to get hit or not.”
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(end of excerpt)
The reason I am printing this piece is to demonstrate the failings of reality TV when the parents have less than excellent parenting skills. I will use the Roloffs as a contrasting example. They aren't a perfect family, but they clearly love each other, and the kids know they always have a soft place to fall - on their parents. They also have areas of privacy in their home, and the kids are old enough to understand what's happening with the filming. Most of all, viewers get the feeling that if the family started to disintegrate in front of the cameras, the cameras would be removed by the family's adults.
A large part of parenting is understanding developmental stages and appreciating the child's experience and capabilities based on their ages and levels of growth. Yelling at infants and expecting toddlers to do everything perfectly the very first time displays a basic lack of understanding of children, and becoming frustrated to this degree shows a lack of maturity on the part of the parent. (This is not the parent's fault. Something was missing in their own parenting and they are doing the best they know how, given the limited skills they were given. This does not excuse it. It just explains it.)*
Anyone can be on a reality TV show, and with today's economy, lots of people want to be. Wouldn't it be great if families had to undergo counseling or have some sort of psychological screening in order to qualify to participate, as well as guidance throughout the entire process?
This is the third and last excerpt of my source's book-in-progress that I am going to print here. I hope you found my choices interesting and enlightening, and I look forward to your comments.
*Many of us were brought up with less than adequate parenting, only to become loving, non-abusive parents ourselves. Sometimes this happens naturally, and other times parents need help to become better parents. We have to admit we need to change in order for change to begin. Even the worst parents can become great parents with the help of a good therapist, as long as deep down inside they truly love their children. I believe these parents love their children.
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30 comments:
Longtime lurker first time poster.
I have long suspected that Kate was very stern with the kids. It doesn't surprise me in the least.
Infdaily has a post regarding both parents being at the house this weekend. In it they say Jon has to leave the premises by 10 pm every night and isn't allowed to stay in the garage apt. I was wondering, as a local have you heard anything about this?
http://www.infdaily.com/2010/04/kate-gosselin-makes-jon-leave-at-10-on-the-dot.html
Yes, I was aware that they were both home this weekend. I don't know about the 10PM thing, but weekends are Jon's time with the kids. I am under the impression that Jon and Kate are being more civil to each other and cooperating with each other more lately. Perhaps I am mistaken, but that is my impression, and I hope it's true, for the sake of the kids.
Also, Jon has an apartment in Reading now, so he really doesn't need the garage apartment anymore. His apartment is less than a half hour away and more like 20 minutes, maybe 15 if you drive like Jon does, on the back roads.
I feel sick. Just sick. If TLC and the production people knew of this and didn't report it, they are just as culpable.
I always thought it was odd how, on the show, the kids would run straight to time-out...never an argument, question, or hesitation.
Any chance this source would speak with Mr. Murt?
At what point will the anger in the children explode back at Kate?
When children learn that you can
express anger by hitting, what else are they going to do with all the pent-up emotions they have?
And, the cycle will continue when they become parents. Having a bad moment? Go whack a kid. Feel better, problem solved.
My mother *disciplined* me the same way as Kate is described above. My mom yelled and hit. You listened the first time OR ELSE. There wasn't always a warning either. If we accidentally dropped something, it was "damnit" (insert name here) and *smack*. My dad tried to intervene but it often caused such a huge problem for him, that he would back off. Later when we'd go to him to "complain", he'd say "I know, but you know how your mother is".
My parents and I have a good relationship today but that's because I spent several years in therapy and I realize that my mother has a mental illness. Her and my dad have also been the greatest grandparents I could have ever imagined for my kiddos so that helps heal some of those old wounds too.
All this to say (sorry for rambling), I have come to a place where I have forgiven my mom BUT I don't know if I could have forgiven her if she continuously sold out my privacy so she could move up in the world.
My mom worked hard to keep our house clean and a home cooked meal on the table every night. She rarely did anything for "herself". I think this is where I see a difference.
WG, the last paragraph was perfect. Thank for you all you have done.
WG,
rofl!!
I somewhat disagree with your Roloff comparision. This season has been very uncomfortable to watch with Matt & Amy's contentious relationship. There was even an episode where the family split in half because of their fighting with Zack & Molly siding with Amy and Jeremy with Matt. Even though the kids are old enough to know what's going on they're still being filmed going through something that should be very private.
You could argue that it shows how couples drift apart yet still keep the lines of communication open and preserve the marriage & family, yet it's still very hard to watch and the way some of the episodes are marketed you would think the family was in fact disintegrating before your eyes. I've heard the word divorce more on this show than I ever did on J&K+8.
But yes you do get the feeling if any of the kids (or the parents) ever said they were done with the show it would end. Even though both Jon & Kate stated repeatedly that if even one person ever said they were done it was over, we all saw how Kate bulldozed over Jon when he stated on the show he was finished with it.
There's respect with the Roloffs (and most of the other reality tv families) which is completely non-existant with the Gosselins.
As for the spanking... I'm not surprised given how quickly she overreacts to the smallest thing. Remember how those kids beelined for timeout on TV? I've NEVER seen any other kids that age move so quick to take a punishment without knowing something worse would happen if they didn't.
So maybe being raised by nannies could be the best thing ever to happen to these kids (though I still think Jon should step up!)
If Jon split with Kate over her temper and abuse problems with the kids, HOW and WHY can he justify letting her have primary custody and allowing her so much time on her own to abuse the kids without his tempering influence?
I believe Kate has a terrible capricious temper but it really boggles my mind that Jon, being relatively saner, is doing so little to protect his children from their monstrous mother.
I see Smile and Thanksgiving, what was the third?
I've been elsewhere, apparently. I can't even remember where. (Ostensibly I have a website on Scott Bakula but I've barely been paying attention to *him* lately. Perhaps I should read my browser history.)
I sincerely hope you really meant it when you said "book in progress"...silence is NOT an option when children are suffering.
Good morning all. Pamela, the first was Ghettoville.
2Exhausted, thanks for your observations about the Roloffs, I appreciate it because I haven't seen that show in a while. I do remember some commercials indicating there were marriage problems and wondering if TLC was trying to turn it into a tabloid money maker the way J&K+8 turned into one. Esp because it was soon after J&K+8 went off the air.
No matter how dysfunctional other families or participants in other shows have been, this one wins the prize. Have other reality show families been on tabloid covers the way J&K have? I can't think of any, and certainly not dozens of covers over months and months. But the show must go on, as long as it continues to make money.
cherier1- Read my previous post about PA child abuse laws. This is NOT child abuse in PA.It does not cause serious physical injury, it is not non intentional mental injury, and it is not life threatening.Anywhere else it would be reportable child abuse.That's why it's so important that the PA legislation is examined and changed appropriately to reflect present-day understanding of abuse and its effects.
I too was appalled at this information. TLC may be operating within the letter of the law but they are morally bankrupt.I am so angry that I am shaking as I type this.The children will later remember that Jon did not protect them, even if at this point they count on him for nurturance.They are orphans in the truest sense of the word.
I truly hope your friend DOES write the tell-all book. Going back to the fact that these people have been begging since the first ultrasound.
I pray this person is able to bring it about and help start a national conversation on child labor.
If they need more help with research, please have them contact me. I am more than willing to internet search for them.
I hate to bust your bubble, WG, but I think Jon and Kate are making nice now because Jon is negotiating to get himself on her show or, at the very least, is being paid off by TLC to allow his kids to be filmed. Jon may interact well with his kids, but he's just as selfish as Kate.
So, have you found out if the permits have, in fact, been granted?
I also want to say that I can't wait until your friend publishes his book. I hope he can back up his claims because there will be a firestorm from TLC to protect their pre-packaged fake Kate. Sad for the kids, but the truth needs to come out.
I agree IDM. Jon has allowed himself to be bullied and has role modeled that in front of the kids, teaching them to bow to a bully. Worse, teaching them that bullying works. My prediction is that some of the kids are going to grow up to be classic victims in their relationships and the others are going to be bullies.
I think so too, Georgia. One way to look at it is that he is being selfish, and another is that he has been beaten down and backed into a corner. It would be very hard for him to go back to his former work and he has no other way to make a living, and he's lawyer-hopped so he hasn't had good, consistent legal advice & representation. It was always hard for me to believe he could keep the kids off TV, given he up against TLC which is part of a larger conglomerate. It just seemed to good to be true.
Sorry, I meant NON ACCIDENTAL mental injury in my post. I wrote Rep. Murt two emails in regard to this legislation and so far have not had the courtesy of a reply, although people who live in the US have had responses from him.It's up to Americans to bring it to his attention, I guess.Please do what you can for the kids of PA. It takes a village.
So has there been any answers yet on the issue of standard clearances having been done (or not done) on those who will be working with the children? Just curious, perhaps you'd already answered this in a previous post, I haven't read through everything. But since it's now been released that TLC/JK8 have requested and been issued permit for the children for filming, I was again (still) curious on the status of clearances. In my line of work, I've had to obtain such clearances in order to work in my position.
I hope that your friend really is writing a tell on on this. Kate and Jon have gotten away with too much for too long. People's eyes need to be opened and the shows that have had her on and only asked the soft ball questions need to have her on again and ask the really hard questions. This is a book that I would buy!
In your Thanksgiving relevation, your source said Jon was texted to let him know that the Neilds were staying in his garage apt. and that Jon phoned the pap back. Does this mean, as we have suspected, that there is communication (a relationship?) between the Gosselins and the paps? This is damning, IMO, that a pap would have Jon's cell number and vice versa. Could this be the proof we've been waiting for that Jon and Kate are in cahoots with the paps? Are the paps or just certain paps given a heads up that the Gosselins will be out front or going on errands?
Werny Gal, thank you for sharing these excerpts of this book-in-progress.
Please let the author know that I look forward to buying this book.
Thanks for your comments everyone. As usual I got a couple of comments that I am not publishing because they are personally attacking me or my readers. Not sure why those readers hang around since this is obviously so painful for them. Dissenting opinions are allowed here. Abuse is not.
Yes, GeorgiaMom, the relationship between the Gosselins and the paps is very interesting. I'll write about that next.
No word from Rap Murt about child abuse clearances, but I'll put a call in to him tomorrow when I have more time.
I am now eating serious crow. I got an email from Rep.Murt today stating that he is looking into the legislation. He said"Help is on the way".He invited me to phone him if I wanted to talk about this issue.Boy do I feel foolish for sort of dissing him in a previous post,I have great respect for the man and will call him tomorrow. If there is anything I can tell you guys about the phone conversation I will post it.
-A shamefaced IDModo
Don't feel badly, IDModo, we all have a wee brain fart now and then. :) In my experience he is sincerely caring and he is very good about returning email and calls. When I emailed him last week he called me and we talked for about 20 minutes, and he told me he still had over 50 calls to return that day. He's also very busy so it may take a few days but you can definitely count on him.
What you are saying is what we have all believed all along.
I would hope that you would publish more of these....
WG, Rep Murt called me last nite at 9:30. I think he called from his cell phone, so not sure if he was still at the office. We talked about 10 min. and I am impressed with him. He called me the day after the hearing also, as I'd written him a 'thoughtful' email. I think he keeps learning more each day, and becomes that much more upset over what's going on. Not being from PA, I wondered if he'd even care what I had to say, as in, maybe it was a political move on his part. But, that hasn't been the case.
I can appreciate to some extent, being passive like Jon, but at some point you suck it up, speak up, and take your children out of an abusive situation. Jon's lazy and worthless, IMO. He knows he can't do anything now to earn a passable income, unless it's media related; so he refuses to fight for his kids, and instead, goes about using them (again) for his support. Shame on them both, they really are grifters.
Personally I don't think it's unusual or unbelievable at all that at least Jon has had regular communications with the paps. Did he not have a pap turned good friend/buddy, turned sometimes bodyguard? I believe that was a guy from INF. I am SURE that at least THAT particular pap had Jon's number. And I wouldn't be surprised in the least to learn that there were others, and that Kate also had some sort of a working relationship with them. She did say she made a "deal" with them regarding her last summers vaca/kitchen renovation trip. I think they both have a regular "working relationship" with the dreaded paparazzi that keep them in the news, like they BOTH so desperately want/need/crave. *sigh*
DH, check out the entry I just posted tonight.
WG
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