Ding Dong, the Show is Dead!

Ding dong, the show is dead.

This will give both Jon and Kate an opportunity to pursue whatever vocations they'd like to without involving the kids. Maybe Kate will get her own TV talk show. Who knows about Jon? Maybe he'll retreat into obscurity, where he's often wished he could escape back into. Or maybe he'll pursue some form of entertainment employment of his own (hopefully without collaborating with people like Michael Lohan ~ doesn't the fact that he is not a success and that his own very troubled daughter calls him a "scumbag" give you a clue?) Whatever. Now the kids have an opportunity for some privacy ~ and time and space for healing ~ during the rest of their childhoods.

The kids have never been old or mature enough to be capable of the level of informed consent their parents were. Later, in their adulthoods, if they want to go back into the entertainment business or even capitalize on the fame they once had as children, more power to them. But for now, let the kids be kids.

Good job Jon Gosselin!

Happy Holidays to Eight

According to online news this morning, Jon and Kate will both be spending Christmas day with their little ones. Good job, both of you, for doing this for the kids. May you have a sweet-memory filled, acrimonious-free day.

And good for you, Jon, for coming out of the showbix fog you seem to have gotten lost in during the earlier part of this year. You are not only being a better father because of it, you're being a better person too.

Read the interview here.

Shame on TLC

Here's the description of tomorrow night's hour-long episode. You'd never know the turmoil this family is going through from the promos TLC has been playing ad nauseum all weekend. It's all one big happy family, the Gosselins and TLC. Or Kate and TLC, that is:

"Jon & Kate Plus 8 Viewers' Top Moments: Kate takes a walk down memory lane as she looks back at viewers' favorite moments from Jon & Kate plus 8 and helps the audience countdown some of the best moments on the show." (Played to perky happy-wappy music, of course.)

Jon is suing TLC and TLC is suing Jon. Meanwhile TLC continues to squeeze more episodes (ie: more revenue) out of this family until they get all the legal details settled. What I wonder about both sides is, if you really care so much about the kids, why don't you call A Minor Consideration in to testify? Let the real experts ~ adults who have experienced being on television as children, as well as the real-life long term outcomes ~ tell it like it really is.

Is There a Doctor in The House?

I've pondered the subject of Jon's father, Dr. Gosselin, for some time. Everything I've heard points toward Jon growing up in a good home. Jon came from a close, loving family. His father was a doctor and Jon went to high school in the wealthiest school district in Berks County. Jon's father role-modeled philanthropy in the community and beyond. How is it that Jon allowed himself to be swept up into a relationship with someone who not only demanded the best of every matchy-matchy thing for the kids but also managed, over time, to systematically cut every member of Jon's family (and some of her own) out of their lives and the lives of the children?

My dental hygienist worked for Dr. Gosselin, and she told me about one time when Jon and Kate brought the twins in for a checkup, back in the pre-sextuplets days. Some locals are open about their dislike of Kate, but this gal wasn't, and I got the feeling it was only because we were talking in an office setting in which I was having my teeth cleaned at the time. She had a way of couching her words to get the meaning across without crossing the line into unprofessionalism. She said that Jon was laid back and casual and Kate was...well, she didn't want to say demanding, but Kate knew what she wanted and she made it clear she expected to get it. Like many other locals I've asked about what Kate is really like, she confirmed that the real-life Kate is more blunt and less considerate than the Kate we've seen on the show.

Last week I was talking with someone else in the medical profession who knew Dr. Gosselin personally. According to her, Dr. Gosselin was hard-working, honest, and a good person. She told me that although Dr. Gosselin was retired, he re-opened his practice after Jon and Kate's sextuplets were born to help provide for his grandchildren financially. He died of a heart attack which some attribute to the stress of trying to help his son's family. [NOTE: A blog reader who was a patient of Dr. Gosselin challenges this story. Her words: "Jon's father did not retire and come back to practice after the tups were born. My kids were patients of his, and continue to be patients of Dr Gordos ( his partner).....he was practicing all along until he had a heart attack."]

During a recent visit to verify that one of my children didn't have swine flu, I asked our pediatrician what she thought of Jon and Kate. Like many locals, she was brimming with opinions. She told me that she knew Dr. Gosselin, Jon's father, and he was a fine man - kind, smart, classy. He was a pediatric dentist who was great with kids, cared about the quality of his work, and gave of his time and resources to help needy kids who couldn't afford dental work. (If I am correct he helped kids with cleft palates, but don't quote me on this.) She said Dr. Gosselin would have been horrified if he'd lived to see what's happened to his son's family. To quote her, "He would have taken Jon to the side a long time ago and put an end to all of this mess."

Now, there's always a chance that all of these impressions of Dr. Gosselin are incorrect. We all know about cases where the neighborhood icon turns out to be a pedophile/serial killer/polygamist/big fat old ratfink. But, considering the smarts of the women who told me that Dr. Gosselin was a great guy, I'm betting he was.

So what happened to Jon? How did he end up so codependent as to allow himself to be streamrolled over by Kate? And to the degree that she actually ended his relationships with the people he loved most? Forget the National Enquirer. Local inquiring minds want to know.

My Bad

Like I said a couple of posts ago, sometimes I just can't help myself.

The next post will be more thoughtful. I promise.

Cutting Jon Slack, No Slack For Kate

Those who have been reading this blog for some time may wonder why I seem to cut Jon more slack than I do Kate. Why do I defend him and not her? The reason is my years of work as a therapist with victims of PTSD caused by childhood abuse, domestic violence and other emotional trauma has led me to view Jon as a victim of emotional abuse.

I believe that Jon is a victim of domestic violence and that the violence started way before even the twins were born. Everyone I've talked to - and it's been several people - who worked with Kate at the hospital years before the kids came along have spoken about how high maintenence, demanding, and controlling she was. She's always been the same old Kate we've seen on the show, only more so, at least before she recently started putting some spin control on it and started acting (as opposed to being "reality") nice (or pitiable) when the cameras are on. And she's still the same old Kate when the camera's aren't on - demanding, narcisistic, and just plain mean. In short, abusive of whoever she wants to be abusive to, unless she wants something from them or she thinks they can further her "career."

It looks to me like Jon never stood a chance. When they met he was younger than Kate, naive, and malleable. The first time Kate saw him at a picnic and decided she wanted him, he was a goner, and she has proudly stated that it didn't even matter to her that he already had a girlfriend at the time. One doesn't have to look far to see her abuse of Jon because years of it are permanently recorded on the show, in episode after episode - putdowns, nasty jokes at his expense, slapping him. If she thought it was okay to treat him that way on camera, in full view of the world, imagine how she treated him in private, without anyone watching. Reports from locals who have been in their Wernersville home say that she screams, throws things and is nasty, mean and cruel, and I believe it. One person told me that a friend who was employed (I won't say what for but I will say it involved household work, not child care) by the Gosselins refused to work there when Kate was home because Kate was so abusive and horrible, but she loved working at the home when Jon was there because he was pleasant and kind. Kate behaves this way in front of the children, either unaware that she is role-modeling unhealthy adult relationship patterns in front of them, or not caring.

Imagine years of emotional abuse in the form of putdowns about everything that makes you you - your appearance, your humor, your thoughts and your feelings. Then imagine your partner being rewarded for abusing you, in the form of national attention and big paychecks. Attempts to assert yourself verbally are ignored or bulldozed over until you know it's no use even trying. Everyone sees her treating you that way and no one speaks up about it or acts as though it is unusual or unwarranted. In short, it is accepted as normal and if you don't like it, there's something wrong with you.

This is the world of the emotionally controlled and abused, and I believe this is the world of Jon Gosselin for all the years he was under the control of Kate. He said, after the public became aware that the relationship had been a sham for some time, that maybe he'd been too passive, and now it was time for him to assert himself. Well, Hell Yes, but by the time he did, it was too little and too late.

Underneath all the tabloid drama, I believe that Jon is basically a good person who waited too long to take control of his own life and has made some unfortunate social choices, but underneath it all, loves his children and has not intentionally hurt anyone. Unfortunately, even though I'm one who tries to be fair and give everyone the benefit of the doubt, I cannot say the same for Kate.

I realize I may be in the minority in the above beliefs, but this is my opinion. Your comments are welcome.

Jon & Kate, Give This Some Consideration!

Love the new cover of O.K.! Magazine...

Only problem is, it's way too late.

A Minor Consideration should have been called in as a consultant to the show a couple of years ago. A lot of heartache could have been prevented.

But it's still not too late. TLC, Jon, and Kate, call Paul Petersen, the head of AMC, now! He's an expert on child performers as well as having been one himself, and he's a heck of a nice guy besides.

There's still time to save these kids from further trauma and psychological damage.

In twenty years, when your kids are thanking you for their loving childhoods instead of suing you and crying about you on their therapists' couches, you'll be glad you did.