The Identified Patient

In his testimony at Rep. Murt's hearings on child labor laws in PA, Kevin Kreider spoke of one particular child of eight who has gained a reputation for being difficult. In the field of psychology, counselors sometimes find there's one family member in particular who is treated as the crazy, annoying, or bratty one but who upon further examination is actually the healthiest member of the family. When we see this phenomenon, the scapegoated family member is called the Identified Patient.

In therapy, the identified patient is the one who protests, fights, argues and disagrees because they are unwilling to be phony or play the game. They're the therapy client who finally tells on that wacky uncle who everyone jokes is just a little bit off but who everyone really knows deep inside has been molesting the family's children for three generations. Or they're the one who gets sober and goes to AA and now the rest of the family calls them a dud and a party pooper because they're just no fun to be with anymore. Sometimes the family insists that this crazy family member get help, although usually the IP seeks counseling on their own because they can no longer tolerate the family denial. They may be the least popular family member, but from a mental health perspective they're the healthiest because they've got the integrity, mental health and courage to expose the family problems and try to get help.

Imagine that you are a child under ten on a "reality" TV show. You know you're doing something important for the family because it makes money for everyone you love the most (and you've heard so many times about how important money is) but you absolutely hate it. You have to go to boring places and keep your hair and clothes neat and perfect and pretend to be happy and having a good time when you'd rather be anywhere else. Strangers have taken over your home so that there is rarely a quiet family meal or other beloved private family time together. Cameras are permanently installed everywhere in your home including in your bedroom and your bathroom, so that even when there's no cameraman with you, the cameras may be being controlled remotely from outside the house. You're a petite girl, and adults who are new to you and are usually men are allowed to follow you alone into the woods behind your house, the little slanted playhouse you were told was just yours to play in, or any room in your home, with a camera, and tape everything you do. And through it all you must smile, smile, smile.

Imagine the burden living this way would put on even the most mature, stable and self-confident of adults. Then imagine how it would feel to be immature, confused, and wanting to be loved more than anything else in the world, which is what childhood is like.

So my message to you, Little One, is this: You keep yelling and screaming and doing whatever you have to do to let it be known that you want and need your own thoughts and feelings and privacy and family. You are not crazy, annoying or bratty, and there are people who care and understand.

The purpose of this entry is not to blame, shame or point the finger at anyone. We're all a product, to at least some little degree, of where we came from. Most times in these situations no one has intentionally set out to hurt anyone else. But it is what it is. And because it is, we need better child labor laws to protect children.