Letter To My Neighbors Jon & Kate Gosselin ~ 5/25/09

Monday, May 25, 2009
Dear Jon & Kate,I decided to actually watch some Jon & Kate + 8 after receiving so many comments and emails after my last post on you, my famous neighbors. My desire to learn about the show has been more than satisfied with the J&K marathon that TLC’s been playing this weekend, obviously to boost ratings for tonight’s debut of Season 5.

I’ve been watching on and off all weekend and taping what I’ve missed, since I do have a life and can’t spend all of a three day holiday weekend watching you on TLC. I just finished watching the Season 5 debut and gawd help me, I’m actually somewhat enthralled. Your responses to the tabloid rumors were engrossing. Jon, I agree totally. No one has actually seen you boinking in public, so no one can prove it. Of course women and men can just be friends. And Kate, I was impressed with your addressing the rumors head-on. You go gal. And I have to admit, I love your kids. Your children are smart, loving, well behaved and adorable. A little loud, but adorable.

Jon, tonight you said you have a different kind of career than most people have, because this is your career and this is your life. That may be true, but since you’re not fulfilled, how about going back to having a regular job, like you did before? Better yet, since you don’t need the money, volunteer somewhere meaningful to you. Not everyone is fulfilled staying home with the kids all the time. I personally couldn’t do it either, and if I had to I probably would’ve burst an arteriole artery a long time ago. On the other hand, my husband would love nothing more than to pitter around the house all day, neatening up and organizing to his heart’s content. Since you can’t escape your fame, how about using it to benefit a local organization that serves children who aren’t as fortunate as yours? There are lots of great agencies and organizations in Berks County that would love your support.

Kate, you said that Jon doesn’t want to do everything at home, yet he doesn’t feel very good about you right now, so he likes it when you travel. You also acknowledged (and good for you, because you have to admit you have a problem before you can fix it, right?) that you’ve been very hard on him. Then you asked, rhetorically, what’s the solution? Well, how about while Jon goes out and does something more personally meaningful to him, you stay home? You don’t need to sell your books: They are selling themselves. Stay home and plan some fun things to do with your kids when the cameras aren’t around. May I suggest making mudpies or otherwise making a good old-fashioned mess, like most kids love to do? They won’t die of germs, you’ll get adorable pictures, and they’ll have happy memories forever, I promise. As a bonus, they won’t be OCD when they grow up, like a certain role model they clearly love and adore.Last of all,





Kate, about the bitchy thang. Tonight you really yelled at one of the boys, (I think it was Aaden,) more than we’ve heard before. My theory about most parents is that if they act badly in public (you know, like those awful parents who hit their kids in Wal-Mart) that it’s probably much worse in private, where they know no one can see them. One of the allegations the tabs have made against you is that while we see an extremely snippy Kate on the show, in real life you’re a totally out-of-control raving screaming Momster. If the report is true that it’s sometimes been hard for the TLC crew to film even twenty two minutes of airable material because of all the screaming and fighting going on in your home, you are not only in pain yourselves, but your children are being hurt by learning negative lessons about communication and adult relationships, not to mention the emotional confusion and skewed reality of having to pretend to be happy while the camera’s filming. Really, no one could handle all that’s on your plate without having occasional meltdowns, even those without television cameras in their faces three or four full days a week. Clinical depression can be caused by sleep deprivation and physical and emotional exhaustion even in someone who has no history of depression in their family. IMO, an anti-depressant might be a good idea, not only for you, but peripherally for your partner and children as well. Remember, a day without serenity is like a day without sunshine. Sometimes it's just the responsible thing to do. (Yes, I am a psychotherapist. I just don’t play one on TV.)





I would like to offer one more general piece of advice (not that you asked, but since I’m on a roll.) How about driving down to Penn Avenue and saying Hello to some of your neighbors? Stop in at the Cone and enjoy some ice cream. Browse Five & Divine and make chitchat with the locals. Take the kids up to the South Mountain park to play on the big jungle gym set or bat some tennis balls around (keys to the courts are available for only $5 up at the Township office.) And ~ here’s a novel idea ~ do it all without the TLC crew, or calling ahead to ensure freebies. You'll not only enjoy your new little town, but your fellow Wernersvillians will become more protective of you (and less gossipy about you!) when they have been given actual human beings to care about and become attached to. Remember, everything doesn't have to be an episode. Just pile into that big ugly blue van and Go! Just have fun together, just for the hell of it, like a real family.


See you at the supermarket, neighbors,


Werny Gal



Kathi D said...
You are so right about all of it. I feel a little silly to be so involved with this family, but it makes me sad that it's being treated as a "show" when it's actually their life. As a psychotherapist, do you see what I see, that Jon has been treated as the 9th child for so long that he is rebelling? I have a feeling that if Kate would treat him like a man and a husband, he wouldn't need to run away. The kids clearly want nothing more than their mom and dad and each other.
May 26, 2009 1:14:00 AM EDT

Leah J. Utas said...
I can't comment on the show, but I have to say I enjoyed your post.My guess is you've articulated what a lot of viewers think. They've put themselves out in the public eye and have become public figures. They are fair game.Has this family remained isolated from the townspeople? It sounds like it.Anyway, this was a good read and thoughtful.
May 26, 2009 8:27:00 AM EDT

Werny Gal said...
HI and Welcome, Kathy. Yes, Jon has been immasculated and infantalized. I do suspect that he's a little less mature than Kate anyway, but she doesn't help him step up to the plate by continually putting him down and telling him what to do. Hearing what an idiot your partner thinks you are several times a day for years would wear anyone down. If they didn't have kids I'd suggest they divorce, unless she learns how to utilize her wit (and she IS witty) without putting the other person down. She does it to the children, too, although not as badly (from what we're shown) and at least she balances it with affection with the kids. She could benefit from some communication skills counseling, and if her unhappiness stems from having learned her communication patterns in her early life (as I personally suspect it does, because of the estrangement from her parents - not that I'm blaming them because who knows the real story - and also because people who knew her and have worked with her say she was always this way, even before the kiddies came along) she could also benefit from working through some childhood issues that are impacting her negatively today. She would be happier, it would improve her relationship with Jon, and they would begin to model a more positive, loving adult relationship for the kids.I agree about Jon rebelling like a 9th child. If you want someone to betray you, treat them as untrustworthy. Eventually they will meet your expectations. Geez, aren't you glad you asked? ;)
May 26, 2009 10:19:00 AM EDT

Werny Gal said...
Yes, dear Leah, they do not mix. They are pretty isolated in their big house, although Kate does go to Target and Jon buys gas at the little Hess gas station in Wernersville. It would help if they stepped out for a pizza or ice cream. In about two weeks the town is having our annual Trolley Day, where cute little old fashioned trolleys drive around town and the shops have open houses. They could go - sans cameras - and say Hi and smile at people and just be part of the experience. They could take a friend or two (if they still have any that are unconnected to the show) to help with the kids and just have fun. You know, like us normal folks.
May 26, 2009 10:24:00 AM EDT

Robin said...
I refuse to ever watch it. You can't make me. Waaaah!
May 26, 2009 11:48:00 AM EDT

Werny Gal said...
That's what you think, Robin, heh heh heh. I'll get you my pretty, and your big husband and your two little sons too...(insert visual of flying monkeys and long green fingernails here)
May 26, 2009 4:03:00 PM EDT

Queen of the Road said...
I'm with Robin. I can't understand therapists watching this. Don't we deal with this stuff enough all day? Now maybe, if someone paid me to watch the show...
May 29, 2009 5:28:00 PM EDT

Werny Gal said...
HI Doreen, thanks for dropping by. I atually find the public response to the show and the whole tabloid experience to be more fascinating that the actual Gosselins. At what point does "reality" become Reality? What is the line when someone signs up to be the subject of reality TV? How much is true and how much is tabloid fiction? How much privacy can one really exopcet when they sign up for these things? How come some reality TV subjects are able to maintain their dignity while others totally lose theirs? Can you have a reality show about regular people, since once you have a show about them they're no longer regular people anymore? And why do so many people care so much? It's all one big tranny mess and I find it very interesting, from a pop culture perspective.
May 31, 2009 7:25:00 PM EDT

TVsnarkalot said...
I love your blog and this letter.But I must say, your LINKS are OFF THE HOOK!!!
June 2, 2009 1:02:00 AM EDT

maureen said...
What do you think of the effect will be of these children growing up on camera? I have watched tolieting, tantrums, their mother making fun of them and other private moments that have been recorded for TV viewing and on DVD. I worry that most children may have unpleasant or uncomfortable moments but normally they would forget them, but here they are available for viewing over and over, not to mention available for classmates and strangers to view and comment on. What are your thoughts on this?
June 2, 2009 8:27:00 AM EDT

Werny Gal said...
TVSnark, that video on J&K is hilarious! There's so much material to work with, isn't there? It would make a great comedy film. I picture Reese Witherspoon as Kate. Thanks for visiting and glad you like my links!Maureen, you wouldn't believe the things I hear from people who have first-hand experience with them. At this point I am feeling very badly for those kids. I think the whole show is a complete sham, mostly propelled by Kate but of course agreed upon by TLC, just to keep the money rolling in. You have the house, the teeth, the surgically-induced flat belly, the new boobs, the tons of freebies, the fame and the millions now, Kate, isn't that enough?The kids are going to have this following them for the rest of their lives. And they had no choice.I wish the Gosselins would move away and the Roloffs would move in. I love me some Roloffs. They have managed to remain nice people throughout all of their seasons on TLC.
June 2, 2009 11:18:00 AM EDT

Miranda said...
Wow, thanks for the inside scoop!I was very surprised with Jon & Kate bought their new house and property. Kate loves warm weather, tanning, and sending the kids outside to play so they leave her alone. Kate belongs in California. She acts like a spoiled Beverly Hills wanna-be, she might as well live for real...It is kind of sad to see how she's so dismissive of her children. It's like she wanted 'babies' but doesn't want to be a mother when it's inconvenient for her.In a way, it's good for me to watch her. I feel constant pressure from family to have children, but I don't want them. I'm easily tired out (but unlike Kate I have an excuse, I'm on meds for Epilepsy). If I had kids, I'd probably be telling them to leave me alone, I'm exhausted! There is so much pressure to have a "normal" life with a husband and children, no one ever talks about the upsides of being single and childless. I have a great life, lots of freedom!Well, thanks for letting me ramble on and ON! LOVE your blog!
June 2, 2009 6:51:00 PM EDT

Werny Gal said...
Welcome, and thanks, Miranda. Parenthood is definitely not for everyone, and some people just shouldn't have kids. (I'm not saying Kate shouldn't have, I'm just saying some people aren't well equipped to be parents. That's why we have so much abuse and related problems in our culture.) I agree, society does expect adults, especially women, to have babies in order to be fulfilled. If you don't want kids or it wouldn't fit your lifestyle for whatever reason, I say don't bow to the pressure! There are real advantages to remaining childless, like having more disposable income, free for trips and vacations, more time to focus on your relationship with your partner, etc. In my case it's way too late, since hubby and I have two bouncing teenage boys, but in your case...Enjoy!
June 2, 2009 8:14:00 PM EDT

TLCexploitsChildren said...
If they would only read and heed your spot on advice. So many folks have recently asking her to re-evaluate her behavior and what she's doing to her family. I agree about Jon rebelling like a 9th child. If you want someone to betray you, treat them as untrustworthy. Eventually they will meet your expectations.So true. She says such horrid things to her husband and children and it's no wonder how they behave with that sort of reinforcement.
June 2, 2009 10:46:00 PM EDT

Werny Gal said...
I agree, TLCExploitsChildren, it is pretty sad. I think all this crap coming out is maybe the best thing that could happen for that family. Maybe it's time to give up the sham and get out of the spotlight, and try to get back to normal, if they ever even knew what that was. Thanks for visiting.
June 2, 2009 11:25:00 PM EDT

ShisoandRice said...
Interesting that as a therapist you completely ignore the huge elephant in the room that is Kate's Narcissistic Personality Disorder.It is the overwhelming cause of all the issues in that family and household.
June 3, 2009 11:50:00 AM EDT

Werny Gal said...
Hi Shiso and thanks for visiting. Believe me, I do have lots of opinions and thoughts that I haven't expressed here. Although I did suggest that antidepressant meds might help in my opinion, I wouldn't clinically diagnose anyone on my blog. I can't say I disagree with you tho! ;)
June 3, 2009 12:04:00 PM EDT

Anonymous said...
Free the Gosselin 8 - their kids are miserable, whiny, nervous, anxious, tantrum throwing, etc., and Kate Gosselin could care less -she has sacrificed their innocence at the altar of financial gain. she is a horrible, hateful, manipulative shrew and he is a lazy, spoiled pimp! They are scum of the earth trash
June 3, 2009 12:15:00 PM EDT

Werny Gal said...
Thanks for visiting, Anon, next time I hope you'll tell us how you REALLY feel!Hey, if you lived there, wouldn't you be miserable, whiny, nervous, anxious, tantrum throwing, etc too? I know I would. Hell, I'm that way just from reading the tabloids!
June 3, 2009 12:33:00 PM EDT

Nancy/PA said...
Excellent post. As I've been watching J&K over the years, I just knew he wouldn't be able to put up with her constant emasculation forever. He is a man, after all -- yes, immature, but a man nonetheless. Kate went after him when he was young and stupid, solely for the fact she wanted an Asian BF. What Kate wants, Kate gets.
June 3, 2009 6:13:00 PM EDT

GG in Pa said...
I really enjoyed your letter! As a professional, do you think that these 8 kids will ever be able to lead "normal" lives? Even if the plug was pulled on their show soon? I just wonder if the damage is already done...
June 3, 2009 6:50:00 PM EDT

Werny Gal said...
Howdy and Welcome, Nancy and GG.Nancy, I did think Kate's comment about how Jon's former girlfriend was gone the day after he met her (at the picnic) was interesting. Did you happen to catch that one? It was like she had no regard for him being in a relationship. She just thought he was hot, and that was that. And she sounded so braggy. What was up with that?GG, in my opinion it depends on the personality of the child, as well as many other circumstances. I always compare them to the Roloffs, who seem so well- adjusted. They have managed to become rich and famous thru their reality TV experience, yet they are still good, real people. It appears to me that the outcome depends largely on the behaviors and views of the adults in charge. I'm sure some of them will be more hurt than others. And the same with J&K. I have a feeling Jon could quit the show tomorrow and go about his merry life and be back to normal in a year. Kate, on the other hand, is going to be dealing with this big whole mess for some time to come, IMO. What do you think?
June 3, 2009 7:25:00 PM EDT

miblue1 said...
Kates verbal abuse is hard to watch- those children cringe and flinch--like they know in advance the wrath of their mother..I feel so sorry for them.If their father can not bear the stress how does anyone expect those children to bear up under all this stress..and Kate if you think those tups have no idea what is going on---think again.Children know more then we give them credit for...if this is what we see on tv WHAT are they hiding behind closed doors?I hope Paul Peterson keeps dogging them he might be their only warrior in this fight to free them from the gravy train that these two greedy parents have sent racing down the track.
June 3, 2009 10:46:00 PM EDT

Werny Gal said...
HI Mi, I LOVE Paul Peterson. The show is very hard for me to watch for exactly the reason you are stating. I still haven't seen all the episodes. It is painful. And aren't those kids just the best - so smart, thoughtful and loving?
June 3, 2009 10:54:00 PM EDT

thegirlfromtheghetto said...
I know you already know how I feel. I'm ready for it to be over, so those kids can get some peace. If mommy needs to keep marketing herself, that is fine, but I am not longer watching this show, because it is simply no longer entertaining in any way.
June 6, 2009 2:47:00 PM EDT

Werny Gal said...
I understand, Girl. I couldn't believe it when I went to the store today and there were SEVEN rags with stories about them on the front covers. I thought last week was bad but I think this week's number of covers breaks all previous records. If I were a parent splayed out on a tabloid like that, I wouldn't take my kids to the store for fear of running into the awful stories. The twins can read, but the six little ones aren't stupid either. What a sad and sordid mess.
June 6, 2009 5:52:00 PM EDT