Cutting Jon Slack, No Slack For Kate

Those who have been reading this blog for some time may wonder why I seem to cut Jon more slack than I do Kate. Why do I defend him and not her? The reason is my years of work as a therapist with victims of PTSD caused by childhood abuse, domestic violence and other emotional trauma has led me to view Jon as a victim of emotional abuse.

I believe that Jon is a victim of domestic violence and that the violence started way before even the twins were born. Everyone I've talked to - and it's been several people - who worked with Kate at the hospital years before the kids came along have spoken about how high maintenence, demanding, and controlling she was. She's always been the same old Kate we've seen on the show, only more so, at least before she recently started putting some spin control on it and started acting (as opposed to being "reality") nice (or pitiable) when the cameras are on. And she's still the same old Kate when the camera's aren't on - demanding, narcisistic, and just plain mean. In short, abusive of whoever she wants to be abusive to, unless she wants something from them or she thinks they can further her "career."

It looks to me like Jon never stood a chance. When they met he was younger than Kate, naive, and malleable. The first time Kate saw him at a picnic and decided she wanted him, he was a goner, and she has proudly stated that it didn't even matter to her that he already had a girlfriend at the time. One doesn't have to look far to see her abuse of Jon because years of it are permanently recorded on the show, in episode after episode - putdowns, nasty jokes at his expense, slapping him. If she thought it was okay to treat him that way on camera, in full view of the world, imagine how she treated him in private, without anyone watching. Reports from locals who have been in their Wernersville home say that she screams, throws things and is nasty, mean and cruel, and I believe it. One person told me that a friend who was employed (I won't say what for but I will say it involved household work, not child care) by the Gosselins refused to work there when Kate was home because Kate was so abusive and horrible, but she loved working at the home when Jon was there because he was pleasant and kind. Kate behaves this way in front of the children, either unaware that she is role-modeling unhealthy adult relationship patterns in front of them, or not caring.

Imagine years of emotional abuse in the form of putdowns about everything that makes you you - your appearance, your humor, your thoughts and your feelings. Then imagine your partner being rewarded for abusing you, in the form of national attention and big paychecks. Attempts to assert yourself verbally are ignored or bulldozed over until you know it's no use even trying. Everyone sees her treating you that way and no one speaks up about it or acts as though it is unusual or unwarranted. In short, it is accepted as normal and if you don't like it, there's something wrong with you.

This is the world of the emotionally controlled and abused, and I believe this is the world of Jon Gosselin for all the years he was under the control of Kate. He said, after the public became aware that the relationship had been a sham for some time, that maybe he'd been too passive, and now it was time for him to assert himself. Well, Hell Yes, but by the time he did, it was too little and too late.

Underneath all the tabloid drama, I believe that Jon is basically a good person who waited too long to take control of his own life and has made some unfortunate social choices, but underneath it all, loves his children and has not intentionally hurt anyone. Unfortunately, even though I'm one who tries to be fair and give everyone the benefit of the doubt, I cannot say the same for Kate.

I realize I may be in the minority in the above beliefs, but this is my opinion. Your comments are welcome.